Tired, Weak, and already on the verge of breaking.

So it's 2:04pm. I didn't go to classes today, I felt horrible. Yesterday, I completed day one of the "Ana Boot Camp, ABC Diet." But as I began to get hungry, I tired to go to sleep. Laying there, all I could think about was food. Nothing else. After a few hours, I threw off the duvet, and dashed into the kitchen... 

Day one, and I'm already a fucking failure. 

Let's see, I ate 3 eggs, 4 pieces of white bread, 2 pop tarts, and about 8 whole wheat zeta crackers.

I'm not even going to calculate the calories. It will only shove my wrong doing in my face even more.

Failing, hurting, depressed, I grabbed my razor blade. My deeds could not go unpunished . . .

I haven't cut myself in almost a year now, but I can't say that any longer. I was defeated . . .

And it feels absolutely disgusting.

Today, I was supposed to be allowed 500 calories. But due to last night's binge, I must fast.

I've lost five pounds in the course of two days. I've been failing and picking myself up again. 

I know that in two days, five pounds should be considered a blessing. But it's still not enough.

I'm not happy. 

I'll never fucking be happy. I never win . . .

Not by myself at least, but with Ana by my side- I should be able to succeed this time . . .

Right?

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Starting Weight: 140lbs

Weight Today: 135lbs

Highest Weight: 142lbs

Lowest Weight: 110lbs

Goal Weight: 115-110lbs